My Friend is Dying, As I Write This…

As I write this, I am thinking of my friend.

My friend is a woman of the same years as my mum.  Like my mum,  my friend is timeless; ever young in spite of her years.  I have known my friend for nineteen years.  She and her husband are both now very dear to me.

As I write this,  I am thinking of my friend.

She and her husband.  Both our very dear friends.  Both in my thoughts.  Both in my Partners thoughts, right now.  In our hearts.

As I write this, I am thinking of my friend.

I came to know them through my Partner.  They are like second parents to my Partner and also the best friends you could hope to have.  To us, they are but kindred souls.  We have shared adventures, us four.  They are Americans.  They come from the New World.  My Partner and I have joined them in their gleaming, vast, amazing New World, many times. Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi State, Alabama and California.  Great fun, incredible memories, Gin, such laughter and just being family to each other.

As I write this, I am thinking of my friend.

To our delight, they love our craggy little island of Britain; ye Olde Worlde.  They have shown great affection for our beautiful England.  Parties, laughter, Royal days, more Gin, castles, London, Suffolk, Classical Spectaculars, Shakespeare, many places here, rivers, history and sharing times with our loved ones together.

As I write this, I am thinking of my friend.

Long Florida car journeys along freeways to new adventures; air boat rides through swamps, mystery houses, San Francisco, San Jose, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Carabelle, Liberty and those awful Waffle Houses!  Songs and singing in the car “This Land is My Land…”.

As I write this, I am thinking of my friend.

Our friend.  I always smile when I think of her.  She has that effect on everyone that I know who knows her.  You just have to mention her name and you see a smile forming on the face of who you are talking to, about her, and it is like a ray of sunlight has lit up the face that I am talking to.  Our friend does that; she creates light.  She has a strong light, within her.  That light is love, friendship, family, authenticity, caring and wisdom….with a little craziness thrown in for good measure.

As I write this, I am thinking of my friend.

Our friends.  The two of them, our deeply beloved friends.

As I write this, I am thinking of my friend.

Beautiful, vivacious, intoxicating, magnetic and a free spirit.  Right now, at this moment, she lies in a hospital bed.  Critical, we are told.  Life hanging in the balance.  It is our hearts that hang there with her, as if in a terrible limbo.  They are so far away and yet they are as if in the next room.  We are with them.  Waiting.  Hoping.  Praying.  Remembering.  Feeling.  Hoping…

As I write this, I am thinking of my friend.  Our friend.  Our friendship.  We four.

Our dear, beloved friends.  One of us is now on the cusp.  Three of us are helpless.  As I write this, strangely, it feels somehow okay.  A Higher Power; call it what you will.  God, Allah, Mother Earth, The Universe.  I don’t have a name for it.  Nature is at work.  The great mystery is now holding us all, as we hang in the balance.  Life.  Our hearts.  Others, too.  Other friends who are in this with us.  All of us, waiting.  Hoping.

As I write this, I am thinking of our friend.

I can smile.  There, that’s her effect again.  That light she has.  That light she has given us all.  We will always smile, no matter what, for that is her effect on us.

Deep breath.

On we go.

Hoping. Hoping for what will be the best for her…

In my role as Counsellor and Psychotherapist, I often ask my clients to write or draw about their thoughts, feelings and emotions.  It offers the opportunity for reflective thinking, a chance to process something important and it actually just serves as a ‘release’.  I wrote this about my dear friend, Virginia, who sadly went on to die a few weeks later.  Loss is terribly hard, so making use of techniques such as writing, art or drawing can be a very helpful way to express the sadness you carry inside, at such times.  There was no method; I simply sat and let the words flow.  Looking back on this, reminds me of the depth of feeling, of the love between friends and of the impact of loss.